Two decades togetherness

9 March 2020

Two decades togetherness

Marriage is a social covenant. To continue the human existence in a civilized way and develop the family, marriage has been in existence. Every marriage includes bride and bridegroom. Culture differs but the main motto of each marriage in each creed and caste is the same. Every bond has the faith that the marriage of two opposite sexes should have outstanding happiness in the couple. Whether it is is love marriage or arrange marriage or court marriage or any other types; it is only for the sake of family lineage to continue the years ahead too. It will be a false story if any couple claims there is always smile in both of their bond. Even the word bond itself is a contract. When there is contact, there is give and take too. So is in the case of bride and bridegroom.

Today I remembered the day 20 years back 26 Falgun 2056 where my kiths and keens with my neighbours, who were eyewitness of our social bond. Most of my elderly people who used to bless and wish for our successful conjugal life are only in our memory. Even my father along with his two elder brothers and elder mothers, maybe blessing us from the invisible place are just in our heart. So are our our father -in -law, grandparents in law and other who are not with us maybe watching us what our couple they managed to unite together are doing. So are other neighbours and others who directly participated in our marriage have been the story of the past. I still remember the faces of my best wishers and friends who had been there even from Kathmandu and Tanahu.

The words spoken by my mother in law to me at the time of departure when marriage ceremony was over from her house taking her daughter's hand in my hand- If you keep her happy, you will be virtuous, if killed, you will have sin over your head. She added- I have many daughters but Shanti…" After her words I responded her- I will assure you that incase if I am not able to give her happiness but never trouble her. Till the day I have tried not to trouble her but to keep her happy. Whether she is happy or not, it is her matter but my effort to keep her happy from the day in touch with her is still the same as it was before.

The farewells words spoken by my mother in law still resound and trigger inside me and want to know the meaning of the sentences- I have many daughters but Shanti… She has 6 daughters and my spouse Shanti is the 2nd child of her parents. What she wanted to tell me is still unanswered. I have not asked her about it but still haunt me.

Among the seven kids, only two are here in Nepal and others are in abroad. The first and second child herself of her parents is enjoying their life in Nepal. I don't need to hide the truth. Marriage cannot be long lasting if two don't compromise each other in many cases. There may be gap of understanding to each other. The grown up and the tradition of the family of two souls might be the obstacles for the couple. Even the dialect and the food they eat, the clothes they put on may raise question to each other's existence. Somewhere in human psyche resides that he or she is from elitefamily but may forget that it was the matter of the past and has to live in present with own effort. The most important thing is that a person who tries to live independently is far better than those who feel proud of having the hereditiary property.

My two decades long journey with my spouse has taught me a lot. It has made me know the worth of human traits, relation and relationship, the connection between the characters of our myths in Mahabharat, Swosthani, Ramayan and others with the contemporary society. How they differ and how they are similar to each other. Two days back on 24 Falgun 2076, I was out from my accommodation and came back nearly at 9 am for my lunch. I was with some Jeries but just three minutes earlier my spouse was willing to have Jeri. Our eldest kid got surprised to see me with Jeries and informed me that my spouse was willing to have it. She added tha it was like heart to heart connection while seeing me with them. To calm the issues sometimes I seem as if I am submissive. Being submissive is sometime harmful to others. It happened to my life.
To continue the bond of marriage the couple should share each other problems openly. There should not be any secret left to each other. If the couple tries to understand each other there may be harmony in the family and calm down the situation they are facing. Every couple does not have favourable time forever. Even in hardship they have to know to survive in this material world. To live in this material world every couple has to know the life style of Sudama's couple. Though Sudama was Krishna's friend , his life was in hardship but he totally devoted his life to recite Krishana's name and at the end of his life the pauper one bcame the hero of the contemporary society and his wife Vasundhara was more of less like the living Godddess. The worst thing that is happening in this modern world is that the ones who are well off are the key of the society. The human relationship has been weaker due to the property. The present humans have been less responsible to their duty and good at rasing voice for the sake of their rights. It is good but it will be better if they are able to fulfill thteir duties before raising voice for their rights.
To strengthen our relationship what other says is not a great matter but what we do matter. I am missing my elderly people and their blessings too. Those who helped us to unite together are not all present in this earth. Hope and do my best effort to continue this journey ahead and pray to the demised ones to bless us to be the righteous ones to raise voice for the sake of right and virtue agains the corruption and anarchism. This is what my two decades togetherness taught me.